The Face of John…the Beloved of the Lord
Of men, I am certainly the most ordinary. Among those who were there with Jesus until the last, I can say I was one whose face was tormented in those last moments at the cross. I did not run, though truly was no better than the ones who did. Circumstances and love, His love kept me there. I am sorry, I seem to have forgotten my manners. Please allow me to introduce myself. Though we have never met face to face, I am quite sure somewhere along the way you have heard of me. I am commonly known as John the Beloved…perhaps you’ve heard me called “the one whom Jesus loved.” At first hearing this and knowing it to have come from the Gospel penned through me, you might think it cheeky to call myself thus, but if you will step back and give a little thought to my place in the pecking order, you may change your mind.
You see, I was the youngest of the group. Being the youngest, in and of itself, has many implications. You are often the one who is picked on, looked down upon, ordered about, discounted as immature and simply feel unable measure up when held against the older, wiser men who have lived a bit longer, experienced more life…you get the picture.
Then, add to that, a mother, who as all good mothers do, loved me and my brother and did her best to get us to the first of the line whenever she saw an opening. With any imagination at all, you can see where at times that meant less than friendly camaraderie between me and my peers.
Being the youngest has positive aspects, to be sure, but can leave you with the feeling that you must prove yourself somehow…make yourself known in order to be taken seriously. It leads to serious blunders, much misunderstanding and a striving within that can become unquenchable. Man’s approval … the fear of man is a snare, to be sure.
Well, I am ahead of myself. To begin at the beginning, I do remember when I first saw Jesus, when He called my name, when I saw for myself the wonder of His person. We had fished all night, worked long and hard with no results. Fishing can be disappointing business, as well as exhausting. We just wanted to go home, get some rest and perhaps try again another day. Then He came our way, stepped into Peter’s boat and gave the command to pull out a little way. He addressed the crowd, held us all spellbound and when He had finished told us to throw out our nets again.
Good ol' Peter, always with a quick retort, told Him in no uncertain terms that we had fished all night with absolutely no results. We were fisherman after all; we knew something of the trade. But, there was something about His tone, His carriage, and His eyes…all that taken together caused us to simply do His bidding. This might not sound that strange to you, maybe not even to me being younger and impressionable; but consider Peter. This was not his style, he gave orders, and he did not take too kindly to receiving them.
Of course, you know the story. What a catch we had, quite the haul! All those at the seashore saw what happened, all enjoyed the resulting blessing, but not all followed. When the crowds dissipated, it was just my brother, James, Peter and me. We were not satisfied to enjoy a vicarious relationship, did not want to experience a casual observance from the sideline, we simply had to know Him. We wanted to experience first hand what this man had to offer. We did not know where we were going, but somehow knew we would be in for quite a journey. Wherever He was headed, we intended to be on the same road, right in the thick of it.
What a journey it turned out to be. Who could have guessed? Not us, not really. We were there to see the miracles. We tasted the wine at that wedding…such wine you cannot imagine. We saw the compassion, the healings, and life returning to dead bodies, we looked into His eyes and were forever changed. We saw how He loved and welcomed the children, little ones we tried to protect Him from only to see them taken in His lap, valued and even exalted for their childlike wonder. We had much to learn. His ways were not our ways; the rules of the His Kingdom did not fit the religious norm of the day. They still do not. He caused us to see things differently, to look at life from a new perspective. It was as if we were continually having our vision changed, adjusted and enlarged somehow.
He was full of surprises…the gentlest of men, the strongest of men. He was ordinary yet you could not take your eyes from Him. Though a simple man, He was extraordinary in every way. He laughed with us but moved to tears easily. He was easily entreated, but needed time to Himself. He always had time, was never in a hurry, kept a perfect schedule yet seemed to have no agenda. He loved to eat, loved to gather at table and could always make a message from any situation.
What a story teller He was. We all sat enthralled as He took the simple things around us to teach profound truth, changing our lives, our perspective, changing everything. He had an affinity for sinners and had little use for religious ways. The humble, the weak, the needy, they drew His attention while the pious, the pompous and the proud caused Him to cross the street.
He was a man on a mission and it became so with each of us. Though we often did not understand our calling and assignment, we did believe. We believed in Him. To know Him was to trust Him.
He did not glow in the dark, but you could not miss Him nor take your eyes from Him. I do remember the one time when heaven came down, Moses and Elijah came for a visit. You see, He’d wanted to talk of His upcoming death. We were not willing to listen, would hear nothing of it. His Father knew His need and sent two who had passed those eternal portals to comfort, to listen and to encourage. I remember we could not look upon them, could not contain what was happening. It was too much for mortals and we fell on our faces. After a long time, when we were able to stand and gather our wits about us, we saw nothing but Jesus only. Nothing compared with Him. Not even a visitation from the “other side.” To really see Him, to be seen by Him, it would change you, simply by His gaze.
I remember those eyes as they peered into the crowds the day of His crucifixion. What love, what compassion, what sorrow…but the joy set before Him held Him completely steady. He never wavered, He never looked back, He never, not even once, faltered in His course. His will was His Father’s. It was that simple. The questions, the jokes at His expense, the flogging, the crown of thorns, the nakedness, the sheer horror of His death, the untold misery He endured were crushing to behold. But nothing, absolutely nothing, can capture the agony experienced and beheld as He took upon Himself my sin, your sin…the entire world’s iniquity. He was the spotless Lamb of God; He knew neither impurity nor any unclean way. And there, within a moment’s time, He endured the accumulated filth of all the ages. To Jesus, you see, we were worth dying for. Certainly, He is worth our living for. What love, what divine love.
And then, for Him to give me into His mother’s keeping and her into mine, it does give me pause. I am not so sure to this day I understand that all except to say, He knew we needed each other. And so, in His wisdom He gave to me an untold privilege. We all knew privilege, each our own and each different. We walked with the son of Man, the son of God…we became brothers and fellow heirs with Jesus. We became His family for all eternity.
He changed me. You see, in truth, for me to call myself John the Beloved has nothing to do with pride, nor feelings of being better than any of my fellow disciples. It means I no longer had the need to prove anything. I was then, am now and always will be simply His…a child of the King, the beloved of the Lord…just as you are. You too are one whom Jesus loves, you are His beloved. Consider this, accept this, it will change your life. It changed mine for all time.
Questions you might like to ponder:
- Do you know yourself to be His beloved?
- Can you call yourself this?
- If so, why?
- If not, why?
- Has His love captivated you for all time?
- Are you willing to allow this?
jbg-January 16, 2008
